I did, however, have a wonderful visit with Stepmom today, something we don't do nearly often enough. It was nice to be able to relax and just be, not have to try to pretend that I feel great or try to convince anyone that I don't feel great or feel guilty about it. I almost didn't recognize when it happened because I'm so used to sticking myself in those other situations, but there it was. She came to pick me up and she asked the obligatory "How are you?" and I decided to be real.
"I'm having a medium day."
OMG I said it out loud, it's hanging out there and I can't take it back.
"Well, hey, medium is better than bad, right?" she smiles. And then so do I.
"Absolutely," I say, nodding.
And when we walked around a small shopping plaza after lunch she let me set the pace. I was slow but we walked around for over an hour! By the end of it, of course, I was ready for pain meds and a nap, but I did it. And I did it without giving any thought to what others may be thinking. I was able to just be.