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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed out are you?

Since I started graduate school I don't think I've had one decent night's sleep. In fact, I think I've been sleeping more during the daylight hours than I have at night. It's not that I'm up all night studying. Well, not all the time. It's more like I can't get my brain to cooperate with my extremely exhausted body. I will take my meds (remember, fibro) around 9 or 10pm, hoping they will kick in and have me sleeping by 11 or midnight at the latest... usually, it's more like toss and turn until 3am and then pass out from sheer exhaustion. A few times I even made it til 5am. That was not happiness. And I'm tired ALL the time. Like, close my eyes and instantly fall asleep tired. Unless it's after 8pm, then I am exhausted but CAN'T fall asleep. I just can't win. I think the chronic fatigue aspect of the fibro is kicking up.... I just wish I could get one decent night of rest.

Of course, there are many things stressing me out right now, not just school (although my research class in itself is enough to make me want to pull my hair out). My laptop, my one and only computer, bit the dust last week. The motherboard went on strike. You know how mothers are, they get fed up doing ALL the work and not being appreciated so they just stop. EVERYTHING. My mom did that when I was about 12. She refused to cook, clean, give us a ride anywhere (unless it was to school or the doctor or something important), she took all the clothes and toys that we hadn't picked up off the floor and threw them out the window. She even made a large sign "MOTHER ON STRIKE" and mounted it on the front lawn for the whole neighborhood to see. Mortifying. So I guess my laptop went through the same thing. Motherboard just up and quit. No notice. Just gone. I tried to apologize but I guess it's too late. So now I need to buy a new computer. Thankfully Oaky is loaning me his laptop in the meantime. All my school assignments are submitted electronically so without Oaky's help I'd be up the creek right about now.

Also, there's my Mom. We still don't know what's happening - whether she'll be having surgery, and if so, exactly what kind it will be, and when it needs to be done. She is staying pretty calm, which I find amazing. Especially since her van just died. She's stuck at home with a failing back and potentially crippling disorder AND she had to put her favorite cat to sleep..... I don't know how she's keeping it together.

And my car.... every time I start that thing I worry that "this is the day the car goes kablooey!"  Like, the brakes failing and me crashing into a semi or the axle cracking and the wheels popping off and the rest of the car just bursts into flames and I and the car die a fiery death.... Me? Dramatic? Pppsshhh. This is what happens when you're exhausted.

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