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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

conversations with the boyfriend

me: (all giddy and clapping) SIMS 3 Pets is just 7 days away!!!!
boyfriend: Yeah but... you've got nothing to play it on.
*crickets*
me: Way to kill a dream, baby.
boyfriend: Popped THAT bubble. (pokes imaginary bubble in the air)
me: You're just mean.
boyfriend: well, it was just too easy.
me: MEAN.
boyfriend: and, hello, GRAD SCHOOL?
me: sigh......

Then he generously offers for me to try to install the game on his ancient dinosaur of a laptop. The thing weighs like 10 lbs. and is slower than a snail in molasses. I think I'll just mope in my corner until I can get my new computer.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed out are you?

Since I started graduate school I don't think I've had one decent night's sleep. In fact, I think I've been sleeping more during the daylight hours than I have at night. It's not that I'm up all night studying. Well, not all the time. It's more like I can't get my brain to cooperate with my extremely exhausted body. I will take my meds (remember, fibro) around 9 or 10pm, hoping they will kick in and have me sleeping by 11 or midnight at the latest... usually, it's more like toss and turn until 3am and then pass out from sheer exhaustion. A few times I even made it til 5am. That was not happiness. And I'm tired ALL the time. Like, close my eyes and instantly fall asleep tired. Unless it's after 8pm, then I am exhausted but CAN'T fall asleep. I just can't win. I think the chronic fatigue aspect of the fibro is kicking up.... I just wish I could get one decent night of rest.

Of course, there are many things stressing me out right now, not just school (although my research class in itself is enough to make me want to pull my hair out). My laptop, my one and only computer, bit the dust last week. The motherboard went on strike. You know how mothers are, they get fed up doing ALL the work and not being appreciated so they just stop. EVERYTHING. My mom did that when I was about 12. She refused to cook, clean, give us a ride anywhere (unless it was to school or the doctor or something important), she took all the clothes and toys that we hadn't picked up off the floor and threw them out the window. She even made a large sign "MOTHER ON STRIKE" and mounted it on the front lawn for the whole neighborhood to see. Mortifying. So I guess my laptop went through the same thing. Motherboard just up and quit. No notice. Just gone. I tried to apologize but I guess it's too late. So now I need to buy a new computer. Thankfully Oaky is loaning me his laptop in the meantime. All my school assignments are submitted electronically so without Oaky's help I'd be up the creek right about now.

Also, there's my Mom. We still don't know what's happening - whether she'll be having surgery, and if so, exactly what kind it will be, and when it needs to be done. She is staying pretty calm, which I find amazing. Especially since her van just died. She's stuck at home with a failing back and potentially crippling disorder AND she had to put her favorite cat to sleep..... I don't know how she's keeping it together.

And my car.... every time I start that thing I worry that "this is the day the car goes kablooey!"  Like, the brakes failing and me crashing into a semi or the axle cracking and the wheels popping off and the rest of the car just bursts into flames and I and the car die a fiery death.... Me? Dramatic? Pppsshhh. This is what happens when you're exhausted.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Ikea and the HRC

K is my friend from school. We are both in the graduate social work program, but we actually knew each other in high school, like mumble20mumble years ago. This is great because we had an instant bond and started sitting together in class right away, making snarky comments under our breath about the professors and yukking it up in our little corner of the room. We are awesome. Running into her after 20 years (I can't believe it's been that long, holy crap we're old) has been a blessing! I don't think either one of us would have survived the first week of school if the other hadn't been there. We are definitely keeping each other sane. Or, what our version of sane is, anyway. Don't ask me to define it, because it's pretty much the opposite of what everyone else thinks it is.

Anyway, today K and I are at the school library working diligently on a research project that is making us both crazy enough to pull our hair out. We've been taking turns with the break-downs and the bolstering of the other's confidence. Today is K's turn to freak out. I listen patiently and try to reassure in my best Tony Little imprssion that "You can do it!!" which makes her crack a smile, at least. (Although, I am forced to admit, as soon as the words are out of my mouth, that the Tony Little thing is going to have to remain out of the therapist toolbox. Funny? Yes. Inspirational? Not so much.)

Anyway, K is freaking out (and rightly so, this research class is a B*TCH). I am sharing my notes with her and pep-talking her, all while digging for my highliter in my little pen & pencil bag. Yes, I'm a dork, I have a little bag for my writing utensils. AND it's lavender. AND monogrammed. Aren't you jealous? So, right... digging around for highlitey thing... and my HRC sticker, which finally came in the mail like a friggin' year late, falls out and onto the table. I pick it up and start to complain how it finally came in the mail, so late that I had completely forgotten about it. She looks at it quizzically, cocks her head, and says "Mmm..." which I can only interpret to mean she's hungry for stickers, since she's only had a tiny gluten-free protein bar to eat all friggin' day. Poor K, her tummy hates her.
HRC logo sticker


me: You know what this is right? (Please don't eat my sticker.)
K: Um, yeah, it's Swedish or something, right? Like, the Swedish flag, or.... doesn't it have to do with Sweden?

I raise an eyebrow. Seriously? I know I was trying not to laugh but failed miserably.

me: WHAT?!  (I exclaim through a snort of laughter.... ok maybe not exclaim so much as whisper really loudly. We are in the library, after all. And a snort. A loud whisper-snort.)
K: What? Aren't those the colors of Sweden?
me: I don't know, I thought the colors were red & white... oh wait, no, that's Switzerland... or is that just their knives?
K: (laughs and puts her down on the table and mumbles something about Ikea)
me: What? IKEA? (I'm confused.) This is the Human Rights Campaign logo. (shaking the sticker) You know, GLBT rights...
K: They're the colors of IKEA. Blue & yellow, OMG. That's why I thought that. (She is now laughing hysterically.)
Bullwinkle, the IKEA logo and the Swedish flag. Who could ask for more?

We get dirty looks from the people in the library. I want to flip them all the bird. Or flash them. Something. But I can't because I'm laughing too hard.

Later on I get home and tell Oaky about it and he says: well, yeah, isn't there some IKEA union equality thing going on?
me: what? what are you talking about?
Oaky: You know, Ikea, the union thing, equality....
me: OMG you're just repeating yourself, this doesn't clarify anything.
Oaky: It's been in the news recently...
me: When do listen to the news?
Oaky: silence...stares at me
me: It's the freakin' Human Rights Campaign logo! What the hell is wrong with you people?!

This, of course, is made much funnier by the fact that all 3 of us have advocated for GLBT rights for years. However, right now, I am ashamed to know them.

jk I love you guys. But seriously, what the HELL?