Sunday, August 21, 2011

this has no title, i'm just complaining here because my cats won't hug me

I really want this anxiety to stop.

It's multi-layered right now...
  • starting grad school in 2 weeks
  • seeing babies babies everywhere and I'm 37 and childless and my partner has just decided that he does not want biological children
  • weddings everywhere I fucking turn leaving me with that awful empty hole that society has programmed me to think I am supposed to feel because I have not taken part in the ridiculousness that I loathe and yet still crave with every fucking breath
  • still processing Wednesday's therapy session
...and on top of it all I feel like crap. More on that later, maybe.

For now I would like my heart to stop pounding, be able to catch a breath and just relax my way into slumber. I kinda feel like I wanna crawl out of my skin.


  1. Thanks for posting this. I am sorry that I contribute to your stress right now, but I understand how your feeling. I regret that I am unable to foster much stability for me or for you right now. I remain committed to you, and myself. I love you and as always I will be as supportive as I can be.

    Also, your going to do awesome in grad school, I have no doubt.

  2. Thanks, babe. I am grateful that I can talk with you about this stuff and that you don't mind me posting things here in the ether. :) Of course we contribute to each other's stress once in a while, that is life. More importantly, though, we support and listen to each other through it all. Oh, yeah, and we laugh together. Muy importante. :)