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Thursday, June 16, 2011

Love Handles


So, I have discovered the new Lifetime show "Love Handles: Couples In Crisis". It deals with couples who are overweight and the causes and effects of the weight & food issues on their relationships. There are only 2 episodes out so far but it's really speaking to me. I realized tonight, while watching the show, that not only are Oaky and I overweight (morbidly obese, actually),  but all of the people I surround myself with are overweight. Let's just put it out there...

I AM FAT.

Oaky is fat. My parents are obese (by medical standards), one brother struggles with his weight. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are all overweight. My best friends are all overweight. Two of them have even had gastric bypass surgery, but are still battling the food/weight issues and struggling to get to a healthy weight. The only person in my circle who is healthy and is not and never has been overweight is my youngest brother (The Ninja). I guess it's like an alcoholic only hanging out with other drinkers. I have surrounded myself with foodies, fatties, binge eaters...

I am 37 years old. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetes. Over the past few months I have been experiencing secondary complications due to the diabetes - infections, intestinal trouble, pain and swelling, increased allergies. As I write this my lip is swelling up from gods know what. I've had gastrointestinal problems so bad that I thought about calling 911 while on vacation in the middle of Maine. So, multiple infections, possible gastroparesis, pain, swelling - oh yeah, let's not forget the heart flutters and being winded with activity as simple as walking up a flight of stairs. Thankfully I quit smoking 7 months ago, otherwise I might be dead right now.

Things have to change. I am scared. Really scared. I came very close to losing everything 2 weeks ago because of a stupid tornado. I didn't get through that just to kill myself with food.

4 comments:

  1. I'm at the same (ok almost) place you are dear. Your last sentence got to me. Now why can't I get off my arse and exercise (regularly)????

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  2. I just wanted you to know that I read this and I acknowledge that I am in very much the same boat as you. The show you mention sounds interesting and worth taking a look. I am scared for you as well, and I should likely be more concerned for myself as well, regardless of the fact that so far despite by obesity I have a clean bill of health. Most of the men in my family also have weight problems, though not as extreme as myself. Furthermore, like me, they had good health until a certain point despite poor food habits, then it all dropped on them like a bomb: Diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes etc. Historically, like you, I have reached for the food for a long list of reasons to get by, going without it feels like such a deprivation, adds so much acute stress that the future is sacrificed for the soothing quality of the food in the present, even despite what is tantamount to doing violence to my own body physically. It is the struggle of my life, in many ways literally, and it is as uncomfortable to face or think about as death.

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  3. I am trying not to beat myself up right now because all I could think about last night was my health and how I need to improve it... and then when I woke up this morning I just wanted to stay in bed and I can't seem to wake up today. So, my loved ones, how do we motivate ourselves and each other?
    Thank you for reading this entry and responding. I hope that we can support and be a source of strength for each other.

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  4. I started thinking about this and ended up writing my own blog post. I wanted to be helpful, but I'm pretty sure it didn't work. Sorry I'm a shitty source of support and help when it comes to health.

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