Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Geraldine and Pammy, sittin' in a tree, T-E-X-T-I-N-G...

Today I was sitting in the waiting room of my therapist's office, where there is hung a large sign that says "Please do not use cell phones in this area". Whenever I see a sign like that, I take it as a reminder to make sure my phone is set on silent or turned off altogether. I am appreciative of these signs, as I am a person who likes to wait in silence, usually reading a book that I have brought along with me (today's selection was book #9 in the Anita Blake series). But not everyone is like me. Apparently some people interpret these signs as an open invitation to start using their phones, which they probably hadn't even touched all day. Today, there were not one, not two, but three people sitting under the sign, using their phones for the entire 15 minutes I was there. One was a 40-something gentleman in business attire, probably checking stock prices or sports scores, or sexting with his mistress, in which case I hope he's not a budding politician because we all know where that ends up. The other two were teenaged girls, sitting next to each other laughing and apparently texting each other, and talking and laughing about what they were texting. I'm sorry, but when did actually conversing with another person go out of style? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for texting each other in a quiet room if it means you won't be talking out loud. But these girls seem to have missed the whole point of that. And here is what I was privvy to this afternoon:

Girl 1: *clickity clickity clickity*
Oh my god! We are SO gonna jump into the Grand Canyon together!

Girl 2: *giggle*
*clickity clickity clickity*

Girl 1: (laughs loudly)
*clickity clickity clickity*

Girl 2: I KNOW, right?!
*clickity clickity clickity*
(Laughs loudly)
*clickity clickity clickity*

Girl 1: something something RIDING HORSES something something MAGIC PONIES mumble mumble *giggle* RAINBOWS!!!

Girl 2: *giggle* GLITTER!!! mumble mumble mumble

...which all makes me feel like:

Mystery woman from around the corner: (shouting) GERALDINE!!


*both girls laugh loudly batting at each other with their paws - I mean, hands*

At this point I had to remind myself that these beings were, in fact, human, and not some strange species of wild animal, calling out their warning cries before attacking innocent prey (me and/or mystery woman around the corner).

Mystery woman: (looks at Girl 1 and points back around the corner) Your turn.

Girl 1: NO! *laughs loudly, ribbing Girl 2, who looks suddenly like a deer caught in headlights* Ok, FINE! But be NICE!! We're jumping into the Grand Canyon together, ya know. *giggle*

Mystery woman (who I've now figured out is Girl 1's Mom): What? *sigh* Whatever, just go.
*sits down next to Girl 2* So, Pammy, get back up on that horse yet?

I had noticed that Girl 2 had scratches and scrapes all over her arms and legs. Being as it were that we were sitting in a waiting room in a mental health facility, I was quick to judge her as a self-injurer. But maybe I was wrong, maybe she literally fell off a horse. And what was all the talk about jumping into the Grand Canyon? Who are they, Thelma & Louise? Do they even know who Thelma & Louise are? That movie came out like 20 years ago... Shit, I'm old. Anyway, as it turns out, I will never know the answers to those questions because that was when my name was called, thank gods. I didn't even have to move my bookmark, I had been trying to read the same 2 paragraphs over and over again... all I knew was that the characters were in a dangerous situation - armed strangers were following them up the driveway. Did they make it to the house? Were they all gunned down in the middle of the driveway and bleeding out onto the gravel? I have no idea. I'm about to find out, though. I hope Pammy and Geraldine and Geraldine's Mom all had a nice evening. I hope that Pammy did actually fall off a horse and is not actively hurting herself. And I hope that someday they will learn all about appropriate volume levels for public spaces.

*shouting to my book in the other room* Don't worry, Anita! I'm on my way!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I redecorated!

You like? I felt the place needed a little sprucing up. 
Comments and suggestions are welcome, of course.


 Vampire Hey HBO..... really nice of you to put next week's TB ep on line but how about letting us actually watch it? That'd be superextraspecial and we'd be your best friend. Srsly.  I Love You


Found at:  Diaries of a Fat Girl 

A is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety? Red Delicious 
B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of? Rye or pumpernickel
C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently?  Kashi Go Lean Crunch or Kashi Go Lean Crisp Toasted Berry Crumble
D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy? Mrs. Murphy's Donuts in Southwick, MA , the best cider donuts EVER!
E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared? Fried up for an eggy sammich – which are kind of my specialty. My sweetheart says I make the best ones ever. :)
F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?
Water. hahaha Other than that, fat-free yogurts.
G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at? Big Y, Big E's, or Whole Foods... sometimes Stop & Shop
H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?Decaf vanilla chai tea
I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping. Vanilla chocolate swirl with peanut butter
J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?
Smucker's sugar free strawberry jam
K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product? Haha! Crisp! Toasted Berry Crumble
L: is for Lunch, what was yours today? Egg & cheese on a skinny Everything-flavor bagel and a large glass of Wyler's raspberry ice.
M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack? popcorn
N: is for nutrients, do you like carbs, fats, or proteins best? Carbs, I love bread so much!!!!! But with diabetes I can't eat it the way I used to or I pay the price.
O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use? Olive oil – yum
P: is for protein, how do you get yours? Chicken, nuts, peanut butter, cheese, or TVP products
Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats? With a touch of sugar-free maple syrup, and not quite mushy.
R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast? Me, cook? Hahahaha!
S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind? Eating out: Panera's Bacon Turkey Bravo or Wendy's Asiago chicken club (grilled), or at home: chicken salad with cranberries & almonds; tuna with dill mayo; or turkey and cheddar with mustard
T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling? Pretty good actually. Our last vacation we only ate out once and bought healthy groceries and had picnics the rest of the time.
U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos? Pancakes & pickles. My dad would do this when we were little and we poured too much syrup on out plates. The sour of the pickle cuts the sicky-sweetness of the syrup. I still eat a pickle with my pancakes once in a while even though I don't need to, just for nostalgia.
V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take? Fish oil capsules
W: is for wasabi, yay or nay? no thank you!
X: is for X-RAY. if we x-rayed your belly right now, what food would we see? Sugar-free Hershey's special dark chocolate candies
Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood? Progresso's Chickarina soup, Mrs. Grass's chicken noodle soup, Campbell's tomato soup with a scoop of cottage cheese.... hmmm, noticing a theme here....
Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it? Sliced and baked with stewed tomatoes & mozzarella cheese or in stews.

YOUR TURN. Pick a letter and tell me what YOU like! Or let me know if you fill this out on your own FB/blog. I love reading about what other people eat.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


Maybe I am severely behind the times but I have just discovered Google Reader. All my favorite blogs in one place? Yes, please! I know. You're probably asking yourself where has she been hiding? And for all I know Google Reader has been replaced by some new app that only the cool kids with iPads can access. But seriously, I freakin' love it. I don't care if I am running behind when it comes to the techie stuff, it just makes me all the happier with these little gems when I finally get around to discovering them.

Edit: I just read this entry.... in my Google Reader. I'm so geeking out right now. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Despite the fibro flare, my life is pretty damn good right now. I'm in love, I am starting grad school in a few months, I have food in my belly and a roof over my head. I even have a car that gets me from A to B. I just want to make sure that if I complain about something in my life, I also remind myself of the good things. That way there is balance. I have this post to thank for the reminder.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy Solstice! Here, have some pain.


Today is the Summer Solstice and I am sad because instead of going outside and enjoying the beautiful weather and basking in the energy of the longest day of the year, I am stuck inside on pain meds, barely able to make a peanut butter sandwich for myself. I have spent the majority of the day in bed. I had enough energy to make 2 phone calls and then promptly passed out again. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, my pain level was about a 7 before meds. After meds it's about 4.5, but I have very little neergy and I feel swollen all over. That makes typing fun - trying to type with little sausage fingers, yay! So if there are typos, I apologize but it's einvetible between the sausage fingers, meds and fibrofog. I feel; like a bloated fish underwater. .... underwater. Sorry. I just distracted myself with the fantasy of swimming in a large heated pool.... heaven. I love swimming, floating in the water soothes my body so much, not to mention my soul. I'm hoping the rain will hold off on Thursday so I can go to Googie's on his day off and take a dip in the pool. *tries to cross luck crossing fingers as they are fat little sausages that refuse to move* Oh well. I'm crossing them in my head. I'd cross my legs but I think that's for something else, not luck. Hopefully tomoorrow will be better because I have family things to do and I need to be coherent and mobile, none of which I am right now. Bleh.

Fukitol. I'm going back to bed. I hope I dream of butterflies and faeries and shiny pretty things with no pain. See you on the flip side.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Love Handles

So, I have discovered the new Lifetime show "Love Handles: Couples In Crisis". It deals with couples who are overweight and the causes and effects of the weight & food issues on their relationships. There are only 2 episodes out so far but it's really speaking to me. I realized tonight, while watching the show, that not only are Oaky and I overweight (morbidly obese, actually),  but all of the people I surround myself with are overweight. Let's just put it out there...


Oaky is fat. My parents are obese (by medical standards), one brother struggles with his weight. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are all overweight. My best friends are all overweight. Two of them have even had gastric bypass surgery, but are still battling the food/weight issues and struggling to get to a healthy weight. The only person in my circle who is healthy and is not and never has been overweight is my youngest brother (The Ninja). I guess it's like an alcoholic only hanging out with other drinkers. I have surrounded myself with foodies, fatties, binge eaters...

I am 37 years old. Last year I was diagnosed with diabetes. Over the past few months I have been experiencing secondary complications due to the diabetes - infections, intestinal trouble, pain and swelling, increased allergies. As I write this my lip is swelling up from gods know what. I've had gastrointestinal problems so bad that I thought about calling 911 while on vacation in the middle of Maine. So, multiple infections, possible gastroparesis, pain, swelling - oh yeah, let's not forget the heart flutters and being winded with activity as simple as walking up a flight of stairs. Thankfully I quit smoking 7 months ago, otherwise I might be dead right now.

Things have to change. I am scared. Really scared. I came very close to losing everything 2 weeks ago because of a stupid tornado. I didn't get through that just to kill myself with food.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

For Oaky

You help keep me sane in the crazy moments. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and unending love. I am thankful beyond words.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more...

Let me tell ya, there's nothing like seeing a tornado racing toward you to make you feel your mortality. Two days ago I was in the thick of it. Literally. I had only just heard that there was a tornado warning minutes before, and was driving toward Oaky's which was only a 5 minute drive at the most from where I was. I thought there was enough time to get over the bridge to his place before anything happened. Then I looked up and saw clouds swirling... I get to this traffic light at the bridge entrance and as we are waiting for it to turn green the wind started. The wind was like nothing I'd seen before - not that you can actually see wind, except, this time you could because it was carrying bits and pieces of the city with it. The wind grew and grew, along with this dark cloud of debris, until it was right in front of us, and then I realized I was seeing the actual funnel. I was mere feet from an actual tornado. Shingles, branches, dirt, leaves, even a few tires and lots of mystery objects were hurling through the air. Even a large metal road-side sign came flying toward my windshield. I didn't even have time to duck, it all happened so fast. Thank goodness (or whatever or whoever was watching me that day) the sign went up and over my car, landing between my car and the one in back of me, not hurting anyone. It definitely left scrape marks on the roof of my car but I will gladly live with that. I'm 5'2'', anyway, I have to stand on my toes just to see the roof of the car so it won't really bother me. Besides, they're like battle scars. "Look what I survived!"

When the tornado finally passed and traffic started moving again, I drove over the bridge in a state of shock and panic. On the other end of the bridge was an overturned 18-wheeler. Exit the bridge. Billboards had been torn down. Roofs collapsed. Trees uprooted and thrown through windows and crushing cars, homes, businesses. Windows had been blasted out everywhere. Utility poles and wires were down in every direction. Every road was blocked. I got turned around so many times I eventually didn't know where I was. I knew I was less than a mile from Oaky's place but I couldn't get there. Trees and downed wires blocked every single street. As I drove through the maze of streets it began to hit me what had just happened.... I called Oaky and the connection was bad. I couldn't get through to anyone else. Even cell service had been interrupted. I finally got him on a clear line with no static. By this time I was yelling "TORNADO!!!" and was approaching hysterics. I told him I couldn't get through any of the side streets to cross to where he was. We finally decided I would pull into a parking lot (the local grocery store) and he would find a way to get to me. I parked the car, turned it off, and started sobbing. Two college-aged young women came and knocked on my window asking if I was okay. I blurted out everything that had just happened between sobs. Those poor girls, probably thought I was crazy. I offered them some melting ice cream pops that were in my trunk (never buy groceries during a tornado watch, you might not get the perishables home before they perish!) but they were too melted to eat. After they left I sat in the car drinking Powerade until Oaky finally arrived. I had never been so happy to see him. All my muscles were in knots, I was on hyper-alert, and every time the wind blew I jumped. We drove and drove and finally got back to his place. What should have been a 3 minute drive had turned into almost an hour of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-adventure. But not the fun kind. The scare-the-shit-of-you kind.

So, it's 2 days later and I am fully re-acquainted with my fibromyalgia right now. The pain and fatigue are both high. I don't think I've been able to keep my eyes open for more than an hour at a time. I even paused in the middle of writing this to close my eyes for a few minutes. And thank gods for spell-check cuz between the fibro-fog and the stiff achy fingers I am committing multiple spelling atrocities. *shudders* The physical symptoms will fade within the week, I'm sure... but the emotional? Well, let's just say I am not eager to get back behind the wheel, especially on a windy day.