Now, after you've gotten good and angry you may want to make a phone call or write a letter. I know I did. I dialed his home number but hung up when the answering machine picked up. Which is probably a good thing because I was so angry I don't know what I would have said. So I sat down and started writing. Here is my response:
As a survivor of rape and sexual abuse I am appalled and disgusted at your callousness toward rape victims. Getting impregnated by rape is like getting a flat tire? Really? Just what the hell do you think rape is like? Because I can tell you. It's not a minor inconvenience that you should have planned for. No sir. It's being thrown down and ripped apart by someone you trusted, or a stranger, or your uncle, brother, father... even your pastor. It is being trapped in a motel room at 2am, too scared to move, knowing there's a payphone outside the door, but being too scared he'll hurt you again if you get up to call for help even though you think he's finally asleep. It's hating school vacations because you are trapped at home with your older brother. And the first chance he gets when your parents leave the house, he forces himself on you on the kitchen floor, and you have to mop up the blood with your own dress. It's going into the house of God and not feeling safe there because the one who preaches ever lasting life and love to you is also the one who forces himself on you when no one else is looking. But who would believe you? He's a man of God. It's years of therapy trying to erase the horror of the violations you survived, being afraid to walk anywhere alone at night.... being afraid to walk anywhere alone during the daytime, too. Being alone period. It's being suspicious of everyone you ever meet and afraid of never knowing or deserving love. It's feeling used, dirty, broken, disgusting, ugly. It's feeling like you will never ever feel whole again. It's living with shame, hatred, and fear day after day no matter how many times you talk to your therapist or how many pills you take. Is that what getting a flat tire feels like to you? Because if it does, I believe you need to seek psychiatric help. And if it doesn't, then I believe I have made my point.
Very sincerely and angrily,
Survivor of Rape and Sexual Abuse
MSW candidate class of 2015
Now, I know it's a bit short, but I actually want him to read it. Also, I am still pretty f***ing angry and I'm lucky I got that much down coherently. Maybe I will write another letter tomorrow.