I am not having a good day. The weather changes here in New England have brought on a whopper of a headache. The family issues I am dealing with have brought on anxiety (and more of a headache). And one of my Reiki clients is testing boundaries with me, to the point that I have considered withdrawing my services from him. My head hurts, my body aches, and I'm emotionally worn out. However, I do believe that when I have had to speak with anyone about these issues I have been able to call upon my reserves and presented a calm, educated, professional front. Some days that takes more effort than others. But I don't think everyone has been seeing/hearing what I've been presenting. In fact, some people have been reacting to me as though I'm freaking out. Hey, people, I'm not freaking out, I'm just concerned.... and angry. And disappointed.
*Reboot needs help. He's needed help for a long time, but specifically right now I believe he is overwhelmed with getting the house clean and in presentable shape for the insurance inspector while M1 (mom) is still in FL. M1 called and asked if I would help make sure he gets the house in order and be there for the inspection. As she is in FL dealing with my ailing grandparents and is very stressed out herself, I said yes, no problem. Knowing the condition of the house was as bad as it was I decided not to take on the whole thing by myself and called F & M2 (father and stepmom) for support. Reboot seemed to be in a depression the whole time M1 has been gone and the house has gotten progressively worse, including his laundry spreading out all over the house, cat feces all over the kitchen floor, and about a month's worth of dirty dishes and spoiled food all over the kitchen. This is not new, this happens every year when M1 goes away for the winter. And he scrambles the day before she is due home to fix things, but never gets it all.... and I am always called in to help when she gets home and discovers that the basement looks like a nuclear war happened down there.... *sigh*
Anyway, calls were made, people agreed to help, then they backed out. They have their reasons, but I am left feeling like no one wants to help Reboot, and that reminds me of my childhood. No one helped me or protected me when I needed it. So I am a little triggered. I wish I could talk to my family about this but I am afraid it won't be received well. So, in the meantime I will continue to do what I need to do for my part in things, and no more. If the rest of you choose to not take part in things, that's on you. I understand taking time for yourself, setting boundaries and taking care of one's self. I really do. However, I've also learned that sometimes we need to put our own comfort aside in order to help someone else. Am I wrong in thinking this?
This rant has been brought to you by the Letter A for Anxiety & Asperger's and the Letter D for Denial & Dysfunction!!!
*EDITED by Jo @11:53pm 4/5/11