Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Solstice Eve 2010

Tonight's full moon outside my home.

As I write this it is simultaneously the eve of the winter solstice, a full moon, and a lunar eclipse (the first lunar eclipse to fall on the winter solstice in almost 400 years). I am feeling very emotional and full of chaotic energy. Not quite sure what to write tonight, just felt I had to put something here. I am on the precipice of many changes, and I feel the growth happening - yet I am confused when it comes to actually making decisions. On one hand I feel that I should take time, go slowly with some of these experiences and not make decisions right now. On the other hand, waiting scares the living crap out of me and if I am to be in total control of my life I must make a decision and make it now! Which also scares me because "what if I make the wrong choice?"

This time of year has always been difficult for me. The stress of the holiday season, the decrease in sunlight and increase in depression & anxiety, and memories of losing loved ones at this time of year... I rather wish we could do away with it all and skip from October to March. But since no one consulted me when they were coming up with the seasons, I suppose I'll have to make due. Maybe I'll eventually even learn to enjoy it. Not that I don't find some pleasure during the winter months. I do love the way the world looks when covered in snow and icicles. It looks peaceful and things sparkle in a way they don't the rest of the year. And I do love a good sparkle. So instead of hanging on to my anxiety tonight, I am going to try to let it go and instead focus on the sparkle. Happy Solstice. May the new year bring more sparkle.


  1. Hello JustJo, My name is Bonnie. I have a blog called Walk In My Shoes-Cutting The Crap! I'm blog skipping tonight and ran across yours. I understand the seasonal (SAD)Affective Disorder because I have it my self. It almost starts to feel like I keep sinking into this big hole more and more as winter goes along. I emotionally and mentally and even physically am worn out and that is on top of my normal feelings of..I have fibromylsia and I am in cronic relentless pain all the time. I suffer from depresssion and anxiety disorder also. There is a long list of things but I don't want to bore you..Just wanted to say your not alone, I understand..By the way, I loved your story about the rainbows and puddles. Reminded me of something in my childhood. Thank you.

  2. Hi Bonnie, nice to meet you! It sounds like we have a lot in common - I also have fibro, BTW. I just wanted to thank you for giving me a nice surprise. You see, today is my birthday, and you are the first person to comment on and follow my blog. :) So thanks for the birthday gift! It sounds like you are struggling, just as I have been. I hope that we can be of support to each other. Here's to us feeling better soon!