Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Solstice Eve 2010

Tonight's full moon outside my home.

As I write this it is simultaneously the eve of the winter solstice, a full moon, and a lunar eclipse (the first lunar eclipse to fall on the winter solstice in almost 400 years). I am feeling very emotional and full of chaotic energy. Not quite sure what to write tonight, just felt I had to put something here. I am on the precipice of many changes, and I feel the growth happening - yet I am confused when it comes to actually making decisions. On one hand I feel that I should take time, go slowly with some of these experiences and not make decisions right now. On the other hand, waiting scares the living crap out of me and if I am to be in total control of my life I must make a decision and make it now! Which also scares me because "what if I make the wrong choice?"

This time of year has always been difficult for me. The stress of the holiday season, the decrease in sunlight and increase in depression & anxiety, and memories of losing loved ones at this time of year... I rather wish we could do away with it all and skip from October to March. But since no one consulted me when they were coming up with the seasons, I suppose I'll have to make due. Maybe I'll eventually even learn to enjoy it. Not that I don't find some pleasure during the winter months. I do love the way the world looks when covered in snow and icicles. It looks peaceful and things sparkle in a way they don't the rest of the year. And I do love a good sparkle. So instead of hanging on to my anxiety tonight, I am going to try to let it go and instead focus on the sparkle. Happy Solstice. May the new year bring more sparkle.